Grizzly Gus speaks:
"I'm retired from the Navy and from the government and I'm bored out of my mind here in Florida with my Pitt Bull named Ginger.
Since I've got so much time on my hands I figured I'd start an advice service. So if you want to email me with your problems then I will give you my advice. Just don't expect anything really helpful or constructive. The way I see it, you have to learn how to laugh at your problems – I’m gonna help you by laughing at your problems for you; how about that?
Also I’ve started reading more so my brain don’t cramp up like my butt when I sit watching TV too long. As I learn new stuff, I like to pass along my newfound wisdom to others so they won’t be ignorant. And when I get pissed off about something I’m either going to write about it or get even, just depends on whether or not I could end up getting my butt kicked.
What else do you need to know? I like to joke around. If I really don’t like someone I don’t waste the time and energy talking about them. But those I like, I don’t mind making fun of them. These days everyone is taking themselves way too seriously.
You’ve got to lighten up and don’t get your panties in a bunch if I say something you don’t agree with. It’s just an opinion which is like a bellybutton. Everybody’s got one but they can’t hurt you, if you don’t let them.
You could say I am a highly celebrated author because after each paragraph I write I take a drink. At this point, I’m not sure which will be finished first, my novel or my liver.
That's all you need to know for now."
When I hear someone say, "In my opinion," I know I'm about to be subjected to a boat load of crap. Yet should they say, "According to my personal philosophy," it's still the same stuff but it sounds more profound, so I actually listen. As writers, 'our personal philosophy,' is where we write from, our 'world view' and all those things that you have come to believe based on your experiences. The word "philosophy" is from the Ancient Greek φιλοσοφία (philosophia), which literally means 'It's all Greek to me.' A personal philosophy is the selected ideas, thoughts, values and beliefs that a person uses to order his thoughts and directs his actions. Philosophy goes back to when man no longer spent his day running from flesh-eating dinosaurs or freezing his butt off in an ice age. Now, he had the luxury of lounging around a campfire smoking indigenous mushrooms and delving into deep thinking.
In 500 B.C., Parmenides argued (most likely while he was in a bar drinking with his buddies), 'If all the contents of awareness are ideas, how can we know that anything exists apart from ideas?' If I'd been there, I could have solved his problem with just one swift two-by-four across the side of his head.
It was René Descartes who said, 'I think, therefore I am.' Wherefore I say, 'I think . . . therefore I'll have a beer.' While I don't consider myself a great thinker, I have spent a great deal of time, in the 'john' in deep meditation, especially after eating Mexican. My personal philosophy is: if you can't eat it, you don't turn it on, or it don’t turn you on, then you don’t need it. My feeling is that if at first you don't succeed, immediately take a nap. I told my girlfriend, (well, ex-girlfriend now) that a rose by any other name is still too expensive and that the daisies from my neighbor's yard should be good enough. Then, there is the even higher thinking such as: if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, did it make a sound? So, what if someone in a crowded elevator breaks wind and no one hears it - does it still stink? My take on ethics; suppose I had three apples and my neighbor had three apples, and he took my apples what would I have? A neighbor with a brick through his window!
Much has been written on the philosophy of religion which I have tried to narrow down to; can God create a rock so heavy He would be unable to lift it? And I'm thinking if I were God, I hope I would have more important things to do besides going around lifting rocks. Besides you'd think someone in that position would have people on staff to do that. Let us not overlook such famous thinkers such as Albert Einstein who said, "We can put a man on the moon, but I can't find a decent hair conditioner." Socrates was keeping it real when he said, "I only know one thing, and that is I know nothing." While the Ancient Greeks had Plato and Socrates, we have Forrest Gump who said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." I'm no Forrest Gump, but I say, eat enough of those boxes of chocolates and you're gonna get FAT!
That reminds me, one time I tried to pay my ex-girlfriend a compliment when I told her she was worth her weight in gold, and it looked like her assets were compounding. That led me to the belief; there is nothing to fear but . . . an ex-girlfriend with a gun and anger management issues standing outside my trailer, with a box of chocolates and a bunch of wilted daises. So, if you have forgotten everything I have said, (I know I have), just remember to always smile; that way folks will either think you're, drunk, stoned, or a lunatic, but at least they will leave you alone.
Grizzly – out.